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For families who did everything right

The ultra-wealthy play by a different playbook. You were never handed a copy.

Family offices don’t bet their future on a “balanced” 60/40 portfolio, a 4% withdrawal guess, or a tax bill they’re told they just have to pay. Zoop Alpha brings their playbook to everyday families, with a whole team on your side of the table.

Would it be crazy to find out how your money would handle one bad Tuesday?

Take the Bad Tuesday Test Talk with an advisor

What you were told

  • Stocks and bonds balance each other out.
  • 4% is a safe amount to withdraw.
  • More return means more risk.
  • To convert to a Roth, pay the tax.

Each of these is either outdated or only half the story. Below is what the people with the most money do instead.

Sound familiar?

You did everything right. So why does it feel like the game is stacked against you?

You saved. You followed the advice. And the closer retirement gets, the more it feels like you’re locked out of the strategies that actually protect money.

You watched 2022 take a bite out of your stocks and your bonds at the same time, and the advice was “stay the course.”

You’ve saved for decades and still can’t get a straight answer on how much you can safely spend.

Most of your money sits in a 401(k) or IRA, and the IRS owns a slice of every dollar in it.

You keep hearing about strategies the wealthy use, and every door you knock on says you’re not big enough.

You have an advisor, a CPA, and an insurance agent. They have never once been in the same room.

One bad year at the wrong moment could undo twenty good ones, and nobody has shown you a plan for it.

What’s broken

Four beliefs that may be quietly costing you.

Belief 01

“Stocks and bonds balance each other out.”

The see-saw is broken.

The broken see-sawA see-saw snapped at the middle, with a child holding the handle at each end. Both ends rest on the ground: stocks down about 19 percent and bonds down about 13 percent in 2022.STOCKS−19%BONDS−13%2022 · BOTH ENDS HIT THE GROUND

The “balanced” 60/40 portfolio depends on bonds rising when stocks fall. In 2022, the S&P 500 fell about 19% and the U.S. bond market fell about 13%. Same year. The part that was supposed to protect you made the loss worse.

The model behind it, Modern Portfolio Theory, was published in 1952. It assumes markets move like a coin flip and treats crashes as near-impossible. Running your retirement on it today is like navigating self-driving traffic with a compass and the stars.

2022 calendar-year returns: S&P 500 price index and Bloomberg U.S. Aggregate Bond Index, rounded. Indexes are unmanaged and cannot be invested in directly.

Belief 02

“4% is a safe withdrawal rate.”

The 4% rule is a guess with a decimal point.

The 4% rule comes from a 1994 study of past U.S. market returns on a simple stock-and-bond mix. It runs on the same bell-curve math as the see-saw.

So when people argue 4% versus 5% versus 6%, they are trading opinions about the past. Without protection from a crash in your first years of withdrawals (sequence-of-returns risk), any withdrawal rate is a number picked to feel precise.

Belief 03

“To get more return, you have to take more risk.”

How you take risk matters more than how much.

You’ve heard it your whole life. It leaves out the part that matters: two portfolios built from the same ingredients can carry very different crash risk for similar returns. The recipe matters as much as the ingredients.

Our research partner, Straxen, builds portfolios around the market’s worst days instead of its average days. A plan built that way stops treating risk as the price of admission and starts treating it as something to engineer.

Belief 04

“The only way to do a Roth conversion is to pay the tax.”

Paying the tax is one answer. It isn’t the only one.

That one deserves its own story. Keep reading.

Meanwhile, at the top

Do you really think the biggest investors run a “balanced portfolio”?

Most don’t. Large institutions lean on hedging, options, private markets, and models that react when stress shows up. And they know something about the rest of the market: target-date funds and model portfolios rebalance on a schedule, so their trades are predictable.

Predictable trades get traded ahead of. Researchers including Duke’s Campbell Harvey estimate that sophisticated traders positioning ahead of pension-fund rebalancing costs those pensions about $16 billion a year.

If the biggest pensions in the country can be front-run, would it be unreasonable to ask what happens to a retirement account built on the same calendar?

Source: Harvey, Mazzoleni & Melone, “The Unintended Consequences of Rebalancing,” reported by Duke Fuqua Insights (Feb. 2025).

Belief 04 · Tax Jail

One question. Three professionals. Three partial answers.

A 401(k) doesn’t erase your tax bill. It postpones it, and the IRS owns a share of everything you grow. Then required minimum distributions start (at 73 or 75, depending on the year you were born) and force money out whether you need it or not. That extra income can push up Medicare premiums and make more of your Social Security taxable. That’s Tax Jail.

So you read about Roth conversions online, and you ask around.

Your investment advisor

“Great idea. You’ll just have to pay the tax.”

The catch: You hand over a large share of the account today to save tax later.

Your CPA

“The math works. Only two things are certain: death and taxes. Let’s pull it out slowly so you stay out of the top brackets.”

The catch: It helps you pay the bill. It doesn’t shrink it.

Your insurance agent

“Move it into a bonus annuity to make up some of the tax.”

The catch: The money gets locked up and the tax is the same.

Each of them is right from where they sit. None of them can see the whole board.

Zoop Alpha and our affiliate, Zoop Benefits, put tax strategists, attorneys, insurance specialists, and investment advisors at one table, working beside the CPA you already trust.

The team looks for legitimate ways to reduce some or all of the conversion tax, and can structure leverage to carry what’s left over time so your nest egg stays invested. Our goal is zero out of pocket. Whether a plan gets there depends on your situation, and we’ll show you the math either way.

Would you be opposed to seeing what a whole team would do with your numbers?

Talk with an advisor

Tax strategies are provided by affiliated Zoop Benefits professionals and your own tax advisors. Zoop Alpha does not provide tax or legal advice. Leverage involves risk, including interest costs, and loans against a policy can reduce its value or cause it to lapse, which can create a tax bill. It is not suitable for everyone.

The uncomfortable question

If the model is broken, why hasn’t your advisor told you?

In our experience, it comes down to one of three reasons.

1

They don’t know.

Most advisors were trained on 1950s portfolio theory and the software built on it. If the model is all you’ve been taught, its blind spots look like the edge of the map.

2

They don’t have anything else.

Many platforms only offer stocks, bonds, and funds. If insurance guarantees, tax strategy, and modern risk models aren’t on the shelf, “stay the course” is the only advice left.

3

They don’t care enough to look.

An advisor who gets paid the same whether the model works or not has little reason to question it. Staying the course is safe for them. It isn’t always safe for you.

Whichever it is, the result is the same: your plan is still running on assumptions that failed in 2022.

The real test

Nine risks every retirement plan has to answer.

A portfolio only answers the market. A plan has to answer all nine. The Waterfall Strategy and the Fractional Family Office are designed to address each one.

Find out where you stand

Markets don’t crash on a schedule. Is your plan ready for the day they do?

The Bad Tuesday Test · Risk profile

The Bad Tuesday Test

Would your money survive one bad Tuesday?

Markets don't crash on a schedule. Fourteen quick questions show how your nerve and your numbers line up, in plain English, in about three minutes.

Five ways people handle a bad Tuesday

    Would it be a bad idea to find out which one you are now, on a calm day?

    14 questions · about 3 minutes · never asks for account or Social Security numbers

    How this test works

    The Bad Tuesday Test scores two things separately. Your nerve (willingness to take risk) comes from six questions about how you think and how you have acted in past downturns. Your numbers (ability to take risk) come from five questions about your timeline, savings cushion, income, and how much you will rely on this money. Each is scored from 0 to 100. Your overall score leans 70% on the lower of the two and 30% on the higher, because a plan has to hold up to both your nerves and your numbers. Three questions, about how much you have invested, whether you are an accredited investor, and what worries you, do not affect the score.

    The test only knows what you tell it. It does not look at what you own, your taxes, your health, or your goals, and it does not recommend any investment, product, or allocation. Your result can change each time you take it and as your life changes. The dollar ranges in question five are illustrative only. They are not projections or past results of any investment or strategy.

    For educational purposes only. This questionnaire is not investment, tax, or legal advice and is not a recommendation of any security, strategy, or product. Any recommendation comes only after an advisor reviews your full financial situation, objectives, and risk profile. Investing involves risk, including possible loss of principal. Investment advisory services are offered through Zoop Alpha Advisors, LLC, an investment adviser registered with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training. Zoop Alpha and Zoop Benefits are affiliated companies under common ownership. Compensation arrangements between advisory services and insurance products create a conflict of interest, which is described in Form ADV Part 2A, available upon request.

    Why we exist

    We believe the playbook that protects the wealthiest families should protect yours.

    Look, we’ve been in the trenches. We’ve watched good families do everything right and still get blindsided by a crash, a tax bill, or a lawsuit nobody planned for. The old way was broken, so we rebuilt it: the pieces of a family office under one roof, with the door open to everyday families.

    SEC-registered investment adviser

    Zoop Alpha LLC, SEC File No. 801-137254.

    Research-driven risk models

    Heavy-tail research from Ron Piccinini, Ph.D., and Straxen.

    Institutional sub-advisor

    Portfolio management with Altium Investment Strategies.

    A whole team, one plan

    Investment, tax, insurance, and legal professionals working together.

    The solution

    The Waterfall Strategy: three engines, one plan.

    Instead of hoping one portfolio does every job, the Waterfall gives each job its own engine, then moves money between them on purpose.

    Dry powder → Growth. The Safety and Income Engines hold dry powder. When markets hand out bargains, that reserve can add horsepower to the Growth Engine instead of sitting on the sidelines.

    Safety Engine

    Life insurance or annuities

    Protects the floor

    Contractual guarantees from insurance carriers keep this money out of the market’s way. It is the part of the plan that does not have to recover from a crash, and it doubles as dry powder you can access when opportunity shows up.

    • Principal shielded from market declines
    • Death benefit and living benefits (life insurance)
    • Guarantees backed by the claims-paying ability of the carrier

    Income Engine

    Liquidity and income

    Pays the bills

    Built for cash flow and access. It runs a full income mix when markets are calm and shifts toward Treasury bills when stress spreads across markets, so the paycheck does not depend on selling something at the bottom.

    • Steady cash flow from a diversified income mix
    • Liquid: money you can reach without penalties
    • A cross-market stress signal moves it toward T-bills

    Growth Engine

    Optimized by Heavy Tail Optimization

    Does the heavy lifting

    Portfolio mixes are chosen for how they behave on the market’s worst days, not on an average day. Hundreds of thousands of combinations are tested and the mix is re-checked every month, with a storm warning that can move it to defense.

    • Built around tail risk, not bell-curve averages
    • Re-optimized monthly
    • Gets added horsepower when conditions favor it

    Excess → Safety. When the Growth and Income Engines run ahead, we will often recommend rebalancing the excess into the Safety Engine, locking in progress where a crash cannot take it back.

    See how the Waterfall works

    Leveling the playing field

    “Own nothing, but control everything.”

    — the rule attributed to John D. Rockefeller

    In 1882, John D. Rockefeller set up what is widely considered the first family office: a private team whose only job was to manage, protect, and pass on one family’s money. As the story is usually told, trusts owned the assets. Life insurance refilled the family fund as each generation passed. The family kept control of every decision.

    More than a century later, that structure still serves his descendants. For most of that time it was reserved for families with hundreds of millions of dollars, because building a private office took that kind of money to justify.

    Our Fractional Family Office puts the same four disciplines on your side of the table, and works alongside the professionals you already trust instead of competing with them.

    Inside the Fractional Family Office

    Investment

    Growth with downside control

    Tax

    Liability reduced at the source

    Insurance

    Guarantees and leverage

    Legal

    Protection, transfer, privacy

    Estate planning, trusts, and legacy work are handled with our affiliate, Zoop Benefits. Explore estate planning

    The plan

    Three steps. No paperwork to start.

    1. 1

      Take the Bad Tuesday Test

      Fourteen questions, about three minutes. See how your nerve and your numbers line up before a rough market tests them for you.

    2. 2

      Talk with an advisor

      Thirty minutes. Bring questions, not paperwork. If we can’t clearly help, we’ll tell you, and that’s the end of it.

    3. 3

      Get your Waterfall built

      Investment, tax, insurance, and legal specialists design one plan around you, then review it with you at least once a year.

    If nothing changes

    • The next 2022 hits both halves of your portfolio again.
    • You keep guessing at a withdrawal rate and spending less than you could, or more than you should.
    • Required distributions drag you into higher brackets and higher Medicare premiums.
    • Your heirs inherit a tax bill and a probate process instead of a plan.

    With a whole team behind you

    • A Safety Engine that doesn’t have to recover from the next crash.
    • An Income Engine that pays you without selling at the bottom.
    • A Growth Engine built for the bad days, not the average ones.
    • A tax and legacy plan your family can actually follow.

    Our philosophy

    Don’t take our word for it. Read the research.

    Plain-English presentations on how we think about risk, income, and growth. No jargon, no sales pitch.

    Heavy Tail Optimization

    When the rare day matters most

    View the deck

    The Income Engine

    Full income when markets are calm, T-bills when the storm spreads

    View the deck

    The Waterfall Strategy

    The Rockefeller idea, explained simply

    View the deck

    Would you be opposed to a 30-minute conversation about your situation?

    One conversation. Your numbers. No paperwork, no pressure, and “no” is a perfectly good answer.

    Talk with an advisor Take the Bad Tuesday Test first

    Or call (480) 470-4179

    Important Risk Disclosures

    Investing involves risk, including the possible loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results and is not indicative of future performance. There is no assurance that any investment strategy will achieve its objectives.

    Options Risk: Options trading involves significant risk and is not appropriate for all investors. The use of options strategies involves complex tax considerations and there may be tax implications related to option positions. Options can expire worthless and the investor can lose the entire premium paid. Prior to trading options, investors should read the Characteristics and Risks of Standardized Options, available from the Options Clearing Corporation.

    Insurance Products: Insurance products are not deposits, are not insured by the FDIC or any federal government agency, are not guaranteed by any financial institution, and may lose value. Guarantees are based on the claims-paying ability of the issuing insurance company.

    Insurance Commissions: Insurance products are offered by licensed insurance professionals, who may be affiliated with Zoop Alpha LLC and who receive commissions on insurance sales. Those commissions are in addition to any advisory fees and give them an incentive to recommend insurance products, which is a conflict of interest. When selling insurance, they act as insurance agents, not as investment adviser representatives. You are under no obligation to buy insurance through them. See Form ADV Part 2A and Form CRS for details.

    Zoop Alpha LLC is a registered investment adviser. Registration with the SEC does not imply a certain level of skill or training. This information is not intended as a solicitation or an offer to buy or sell any security or investment product. This material does not constitute investment advice and is not intended as an endorsement of any specific investment.